Maul's Riding Lesson
by VegasDreams
Summary: Sidious forces Maul to go riding where he is supposed to learn important life lessons


(I don't own these guys, George Lucas does, so don't steal them please. The horse belongs to a friend of mine, don't steal him either please. Thank you! :-)

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Maul's Riding Lesson

Maul turned and high tailed it for his apartment building. The large group of hormone crazed women were gaining on him, chanting MAUL! MAUL! MAUL! The building seemed to get farther and farther away from him and the women got closer and closer…. The sound of his name rang in his ears as they screamed MAUL! MAUL! MAUL!

"MAUL! Wake up!" Maul woke up with a jerk and saw Sidious staring at him. "It's time for your horseback riding lesson, my apprentice.", Sidious said.

Maul frowned as the bright light of the room blinded him. "Riding lesson, my master? Isn't that for squealing little girls?"

"That's exactly why you are going. Plus the fact that horses can kick you, bite you, drool on you and oh yes, throw you off their backs. You'll be one step closer to completing your training." Sidious said with one of his "Senator Palpatine" smiles. He turned and walked from the room. "You'll find some riding clothes in your top draw, my apprentice."

Maul growled at his Master's back. He used the Force to slam his door. He walked to his drawer and opened it to find black riding breeches. Maul sighed heavily. He pulled the breeches out and stared at them. He stuck his leg in and pulled them up. Once on, he forced himself to look in the full-length mirror. His boxers were all bunched up and uncomfortable. Sighing again, he pulled them off and tried them on again this time with no boxers. Looking in the mirror he smiled. His ass looked REALLY good in those tight pants…. 

Suddenly the door flew open and Sidious strode in. He stopped and stared at Maul who was still admiring his ass. "You can wear just a T-shirt if you want to, Maul. And there are some riding boots in the corner over there."

Maul looked in the corner and sure enough there were some shiny black riding boots. He wondered how they had gotten there… He quickly put them on and looked at them in the mirror. They went almost to his knees and looked very good.

"Are you ready to go?" Sidious asked.

Maul looked up from the mirror. "Oh…. Yes, Master." He said as they walked from the room. He knew he looked sexy and was waiting to show off his stuff.

Maul looked around. He heard whinnies, little girls chattering and smelled… horse manure. He wrinkled his nose at the fowl stench. A woman in tight beige jodhpurs and a small black whip strode over to them. She had a slight frown on her face and a tight bun in her hair that stretched her face back.

"You must be the new student!" she said shrilly, looking Maul up and down. Maul nodded his head. "Let's go over the safety rules." She said as she tapped the whip on the palm of her hand. "No running, no yelling, don't walk behind the horses…" she continued on but Maul zoned her out......

"Okay, now we will fit you with a helmet and get you on your horse!" Maul looked over at Sidious who had a smirk on his face. Maul growled under his breath and reluctantly followed the woman. Sidious turned around to see a young man in tight breeches preparing to mount his horse. With a naughty grin Sidious scampered over to see if he could be of any assistance. 

Maul followed the woman into a small room that smelled of leather. Bridles hung on the wall and brushes were strewn about the floor. The instructor picked up a ratty black helmet and took it to Maul.

"Put that on." She demanded. Maul did as instructed. He placed it delicately on top of his horns. It didn't fit. The woman instantly smashed the hat down on his head. Maul nearly howled in pain.

"Well that's the largest helmet we have. You'll have to go without." The woman said as she grabbed a couple brushes from a box. "Now I will go brush the horse and you will watch and learn." Maul started out the door after the lady, but first grabbed a horse whip. He thought it might come in handy since he was not allowed to bring his light saber with him. He followed the lady into the hallway and down the aisle. They stopped at a stall with a nameplate that read "Trouble". Maul frowned. "You're making me ride a horse named Trouble?" He asked.

The woman laughed. "Well that's just what we call him around the barn." She said as she entered the stall and closed the door behind her. The horse stuck it's head over the stall door and looked at Maul. Maul glared at the large brown beast. 

"And what do you call him outside the barn?" Maul asked.

"At horse shows we call him Sheer Trouble." The woman replied casually. The horse threw his head up in the air as if nodding "yes". Maul sighed and turned his back to the horse, arms folded across his chest, thinking of how to get out of this. Suddenly, Maul was being thrown across the aisle. Confused and in pain, he got up and looked around for who he was to kill, horse whip ready in hand. The horse nodded his head again, whinnied, and bared his teeth. Maul was about to strangle the horse using the Force but the woman opened the stall door and came out, closing the door behind her. She walked back to the tack room leaving Maul alone with the horse. The horse put his ears flat against his head. Maul's eyes narrowed as he glared at the horse. He held the whip out like a light saber and was prepared to do battle with the beast. The horse snorted evilly at him, but his ears pricked up when he saw the woman coming back. He nickered lovingly at her. She carried a bridle and a saddle. 

"You will be learning to ride Saddle Seat. This is a cutback saddle and this is a double reined bridle. I will show you how to put them on." The instructor said as she opened the door and entered the stall. She quickly put the bridle on and handed the reins to Maul. 

"You hold him while I put the saddle on." She placed the saddle on Trouble's back and the horse grunted and snapped at Maul. "He might bite when I tighten this girth." She said as she reached under the horse's belly and brought the girth around. She pulled it tight and Trouble reached out and took a chunk out of Maul's arm. Maul glared at the horse and cradled his throbbing horse-bitten arm. The instructor grabbed the reins from Maul and led Trouble out of his stall and outside. Maul followed, watching the horse nibble fondly on the woman's shoulder. Maul growled softly.

"Okay! Get on that block and stick your left foot in the stirrup, then just hop on." The instructor said as she stopped the horse in front of a wooden mounting block. Maul did as he was told with no problem. Just then a shrill voice could be heard over the chattering little girls.

"Ms. Susan! Ms. Susan! Look at me, no hands!!" Maul turned in horror and saw his cheery neighbor, Obi-Wan Kenobi being led around the barn on a small gray pony. 

Susan smiled and waved at Obi-Wan. "Ah, what a sweet young man he is." She said to herself. She then began fixing Maul's stirrups and situated his foot in them. 

"Keep the ball of your foot on the stirrup. If you put your toe on the stirrup, you'll fall off. If you jam your foot all the way in and you fall off, the horse will drag you behind him. Hold the reins like this. It may feel weird at first, but you'll get used to it. Got it?" she said, looking up at Maul. "Now ask the horse to walk off by applying pressure behind the girth with your heels." 

Maul did as he was told and the horse walked calmly off.

"Now, let's head over to the round pen." She said and Maul guided the horse toward the pen. Once inside the horse went on cruise control, just walking around in a circle around the pen. Susan closed the gate and stood in the center of the ring, lunge whip in hand. 

"Okay, now shorten your reins and ask him to trot." She said.

Maul looked down at his hands and the straps of leather wedged between his fingers. Who needed two reins on each side to ride a horse? He tried to use the Force to ask the horse to trot, but he flattened his ears against his head and stiffened his back. So Maul gave him a sharp kick. The horse trotted off quickly, his feet high in the air. Maul bounced along, feeling that the Force would be jounced right out of him. 

"Post! Up down! Up down!" Susan yelled. Maul started bouncing up and down, up and down. Just as he was getting the hang of that Susan said "Now ask him to canter! He might buck a little, so be careful! Pull his head to the rail and nudge with your outside leg!" Maul flailed his legs on the horse's sides and the horse started cantering, but suddenly Maul was thrown up on the horse's neck and heard a loud BANG behind him. 

"That's okay! He only bucked and kicked the rail! But you've got the wrong lead! Stop him and ask him to canter again. Maul jerked the reins back to him, pulling the horse's mouth. The horse slowed to a very fast, bouncy trot, and Maul nearly bounced off. Once again, he kicked the horse as hard as he could and jerked it's head to one side. 

"That's it!" The instructor yelled as the horse bounded into a canter. Keep your leg on him! Don't let him stop!" Susan yelled. Maul was becoming angry. Who did this woman think she was yelling at him like this? The horse bucked again, nearly sending Maul off.

"Okay, you can walk again. We're going to go out of the ring now and let you rack around the barn." Susan said, opening the gate. Maul wondered what "rack" meant. He guided Trouble out of the ring. 

"Okay. What you want to do is hold your hands up high and apart. You have to jiggle the reins, left right, left right. And be sure to apply leg pressure!" Susan said. 

Maul jiggled the reins left, right, left right. The horse began to rack. This gait was usually smooth, but for some reason this horse racked violently. The constant bouncing made Maul's testicles ache. He wondered if this madness would ever end! Suddenly, Maul felt his feet coming out of the stirrups. He tried to jam his foot farther in, but the horse was causing him to bounce too much. All of a sudden his feet were flailing at the horse's side, stirrup-less, and the horse continued to rack. Maul dropped the reins and made a grab for the mane, but it was too late. He was seeing the ground from a new point of view as it rushed up to meet him. He hit it hard and saw the horse racking off by himself. Maul couldn't move. Every bone in his body felt broken. Slowly everything went black.........

"Well get up! You have to get back on, you know!" Susan screeched. She was standing above Maul, holding an innocent looking Trouble, who's ears were pricked forward, curiously looking down at Maul. Maul tried to move but realized his head was stuck. He jerked it, pulling his horns out of the dirt. He stood up and stumbled around.

"Hey neighbor! You took a bad spill there! But you should just brush yourself off and get back on the horse or you'll be scared forever!" Obi-Wan hollered from his pony. 

"Come on over here and I'll give you a leg up. Just bend your left leg and I'll boost you right up." Susan said. Maul lifted his leg and was instantly thrown across the horse's back and was, for the second time that day, seeing the ground coming towards him. As he lay sprawled on the ground he heard Obi-Wan giggle. Upon hearing that giggle, Maul became very angry. In a mad fury he got up, grabbed the whip from Susan's hand and ran toward Obi-Wan's pony, smacking him in the flank with the whip. The pony reared with a whinny, his front legs kicking wildly in the air, and took off and a full gallop. Obi-Wan screeched and wrapped his arms around the pony's neck while the pony continued to gallop across the field toward the woods.

Maul groaned and went in search of Sidious. His head hurt, he was dizzy, his horns were throbbing, his testicles ached, and he just wanted to go home and sleep. He found Sidious at the jumping ring, watching the young man exercising his horse. 

"Can we go now?" Maul asked impatiently. Sidious waved him away.

"Not now!" He hissed. Every time the young man would lean forward into half seat while approaching the jump, Sidious would almost squeal with delight. Maul rolled his eyes. Suddenly a small galloping pony charged by, his rider screaming, "HELP ME QUI-GON, HELP ME!"


End file.
